


Bile and Panic, the Holden Ford experience.

by sagelabyrinth



Series: Bile and Panic, the Holden Ford experience. [1]
Category: Mindhunter (TV 2017)
Genre: Case Fic, Homophobia, Panic Attacks, not really - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-27
Updated: 2019-10-27
Packaged: 2021-01-03 20:01:01
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,699
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21185174
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sagelabyrinth/pseuds/sagelabyrinth
Summary: It wasn't often that someone got to Holden. Sure, there was Kemper, but other than him; no one had affected him.





	Bile and Panic, the Holden Ford experience.

**Author's Note:**

> This fic mentions r*pe, so if you're sensitive to that, this might not be for you.

It wasn't often that someone _got_ to Holden. Sure, there was Kemper, but other than him; no one had affected him.

Louie Kaplan was a thirty-seven-year-old junkyard owner who was arrested for raping and murdering young men between the ages of eighteen to twenty-four. He had slain twelve men before he was apprehended.

His method of killing was strangulation with his bare hands. He would lure the men in from gay bars, tie them up, force himself into them, and choke them. He could've killed more than twelve, the police had two more bodies the same M.O, but Kaplan swore up and down that he didn't do them.

That's what Holden and Bill were there to find out, the "why?". Why did he commit twelve murders, and why _didn't _he confess to the last two?

"My name's Bill Tench, this is my partner, Holden Ford. We're from the Federal Bureau of Investigation's Behavioral Science Unit ." Bill spoke as they sat across from Louie Kaplan. Holden tried to get the recorder to work, but he was having trouble.  


"Hold on, wait. Bill, can we start again?"

Bill gave Holden a look of annoyance, "Are you serious?" he grumbled.

"Well, it's not staying on." Holden said, click the "record" button, only for the device to stop seconds later.

Kaplan looked at the two agents with a dumbfounded expression, "D'you need help or...?" his voice was lined with a thick southern accent.

"Yes,"

"No." Bill said firmly, "Take the cassette out, blow into the dammed thing, and be a fuckin' professional!" 

Kaplan couldn't contain his laughter at the sight of Holden carefully lifting the cassette tape out of the recorder and gently blowing air into it.

After some more fiddling, Holden got the recorder working.

"Okay, are you _ready now__?_" Bill asked through gritted teeth. Holden nodded timidly and pressed record.

"As I was saying," Bill glared at his partner, "My name's Bill Tench, this is my partner, Holden Ford. We're from the Federal Bureau of Investigation's Behavioral Science Unit ." 

"Yeah, yeah," Kaplan waved it off, "what is thet, an'way?" again, his accent shown through.

"We study the behavior of men who've committed violent crimes, such as yoursel," Bill tried to explain, but Holden quickly piped up.

"You're not from Jersey. Not with that accent... Alabama?"

"Kentucky," Kaplan smiled, "Crikside. Born and raised 'til I come here two ye'rs 'go."

"Why is that? Why'd you move?" Holden had taken the reins of the interview, much to Bill's chagrin.

"Hed some family problems. Deddy ain't want me there no more."

"You were thirty-five and living at home?" Bill beat Holden to the question.

"'N what 'bout it?" Kaplan shot angrily.

"Nothing, nothing," Bill backed himself off, "just odd, is all."

"Yeah, well... He gots medicinal issues..."

"Medical issues." Holden's correction flung out of his mouth, "What was wrong?"

Kaplan tensed up a bit and shifted in his seat, "Th' Big C. Lung Cancer."

"I'm very sorry," Holden offered.

"You were takin' care of him?" asked Bill.

"Yessur, I gave 'im the medicines and took 'im to the doctors and all thet." he smiled, he seemed pleased with himself at the memories.

Holden thought they were getting nowhere with the line of questioning, so he redirected, "Why'd you kill gay men, Mr. Kaplan?"

Kaplan froze. His eyes were like daggers, staring at Holden. His expression changed in such a quick timeframe, Holden was amazed.

"Are you a homosexual?" 

Bill stared wildly at his younger partner for the complete off-track-ness of the question, "I apologize for Agent Ford's... Tacklessness."

Kaplan leaned back in the metal chair he sat in, he growled in response.

"But, are you?" Bill questioned.

"Am. I. What."

"A homosexual." 

Kaplan launched himself off the chair and paced angrily around the room, "I ain't no fuckin' faggot!"

"Then why rape the men?" Holden inquired, "If you aren't a fag, why rape those men?"

Kaplan bitterly laughed for a few seconds before easing himself, "Thet... Thet was simply a power move. Hed to show them guys whos was boss."

"The strangulation was about power, control. The rape was about sexual desire. You _wanted _those men. But you felt disgusted with yourself after, didn't you? That's why you killed them, isn't it?" Holden couldn't stop the flow of question, the urge to _know was_ too much to ignore.

"Why you so interested? _You _a faggot or sumthn'?" Kaplan fired back at the accusations. He was seething with anger, Holden and Bill both saw it. But the anger was good, it meant they were getting somewhere.

"You found the men at gay bars. You lured them in with the promise of sex. Are you still trying to tell me that you didn't have any desires of your own?" said Bill.

"I hed the desire to kill 'em. Wrap my fingers so tightly 'round their neck they saw stars."

"Your father, he ever catch you with a man?" Holden questioned once again.

Kaplan curled his hands into a fist, "Don't talk 'bout my deddy." he grumbled.

"He did, didn't he?" Bill chuckled to Holden, he knew the game Holden was trying to play.

"I bet his 'deddy wasn't too happy about his son being a faggot, don't you think Holden?"

"No, Bill, I would place a bet he wasn't." Holden then turned to face Kaplan, "What'd he do, Louie? He beat you?"

Kaplan was shaking with anger, he was close to breaking, it was clear to see.

"He did, didn't he? Couldn't handle the thought of good ol' Louie being a fairy, he tried to put the fear of God into ya', right?"

"That happen to you, Agent!?" Kaplan exploded, he pounced near the two men, "You know what? I did rape those men because _I wanted to_, I wanted them to _know _that _I _was in control, _I _had the power, and you know what? It felt _great._" his breathing was heavy, he relaxed himself back into the chair he once sat in.

"And you know what?" Kaplan started again, "I wouldn't mind doing you too, agent Ford. A hot piece of ass like yours?" He leaned up farther on the table and slid his hand under. In an instant, Kaplan's hand was groping Holden's crotch.

Holden jumped backward off his chair and fell on the floor. He was hyperventilating, panic arose in his chest.

"What the fuck! We're done here, guard!" Bill hurriedly called out. 

Two guards came in and took Kaplan away. Bill helped Holden to his feet and grabbed the tape recorder.

Holden was in shock, his ears were ringing and his eyes stung with tears.

"Not here." Bill whispered a warning into his ears, "Hold yourself together."

Holden gagged into the rose bush. Bill had guided him out of the building and into the parking lot. Holden knelt between Bill's 1971 Plymouth Satellite and the rose bush they had parked next to.

It was odd, to have a rose bush in near a place like this. Something so nice, so sweet, ruined by the vile creatures inside the building next to it.

Bile came up his throat, but nothing solid since he hadn't eaten all day. His lungs felt constricted, like they would bust open at any minute. Tears trickled down Holden's cheeks. He tried-- he tried so dammed hard-- to _keep it together, _that's what Bill had told him. But he couldn't. All the pressure, all the stress, and fear, it was coming out.

"Jesus Christ... You gonna do this all day?" Bill asked through a lit cigarette that laid gently on his bottom lip.

Holden couldn't hear him too well, his ears had popped due to the persistent, harsh gagging. Everything sounded muffled. The only noise that was clear was the _thump, thump, thump _of Holden's heart working overdrive.

"Kid, come on. Take a Valium and let's go."

The words broke through, "Can't... Out..." Holden uttered under his sobs.

"Fuck..." Bill grumbled, rubbing his temples. "Alright," he tossed his cigarette to the ground, "how can I help? You're no good when you're like this."

Holden continued to hyperventilate and fail to choke back sobs, "I- I- I-" he sputtered.

Suddenly, Holden was up on his feet with firm pressure around his body. The random sensation made him flinch, he tried to wiggle away.

"Calm down, calm down." It was Bill. Bill was standing behind Holden giving him a bear hug, "I'm hugging you," he awkwardly stated, "I'm hugging you because the pressure stimulates receptors under your skin that trigger an oxytocin release, calming you down."

The more Bill explained, the more relaxed Holden became. His panic subsided and he slowly caught his breath.

"I'm... Okay. I'm okay."

Bill released Holden from his grip. A beat passed before Bill got into the driver's side of the car without a word. Holden followed the motion and got into the passenger's.

They drove for ten minutes before Bill broke the silence, 

"Wendy... Told me that... Hugging. Stuff."

"Figured." 

Silence.

Bill stopped the car and pulled off the road, "Are you okay? I mean Jesus fucking Christ..."

Holden began, "I'm sorry, I shouldn't have panicked-" 

"What? No! Holden, I mean that _fucking pervert. _Are you okay?"

The question hit Holden like a bullet. In his panicked state, he had almost forgotten. Which seems odd, since that _was _the reason for his panic in the first place, but you'll find it's hard to have clear thoughts when you're trying not to suffocate yourself.

"I am okay."

"Oh, well _that's _reassuring. Jesus, kid you sound like a frickin' robot." Bill sighed and softened his expression, "Listen, you can talk to me. I know I'm a hardass sometimes, but I care about you, really."

Holden stared to the older man with a look of surreality. He had spent _so long _with the idea of Bill hating him, hating him for having panic attacks, _Keep it together,_ he'd always say, but Bill cared? All along?

For a second-- just a second-- Holden thought Bill was tricking him. Trying to lull him into a false sense of security.

But that was his anxiety talking. His irrational thoughts that tried to dominate his brain.

"No... I'm not okay."

**Author's Note:**

> Bill tries, okay? He's just a boomer, so emotions are too gay for him to handle.


End file.
